Parents Anonymous

Posted by Steve Baskin on Jun 26, 2011 4:42:35 AM
OK, this blog starts by giving you a word of encouragement as parents.

 

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Tags: Parents, Alumni, Camper, General, Counselor

Sprinklers, Ducks and Duct Tape

Posted by Steve Baskin on Jun 20, 2011 8:08:20 PM

After writing deep thoughts for several days in a row, I want to just have a fun, campy submission for your approval.

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Tags: Parents, Alumni, Camper, General, Counselor

Finding the Inner Warrior (Plus the T-Bone Club)

Posted by Steve Baskin on Jun 20, 2011 8:08:43 AM

Each term, we honor our oldest campers with the T-Bone Club.  These young men and women have finished the 8th grade are in their final summer as normal campers.  If they return next year, they enter the Senior Camper program.

As I have shared with you, Camp is really about community.  The oldest campers are an important part of our community at Champions.  An enthusiastic group elevates the spirit of the cabins below them.  A group that is TC4CC (Too Cool For Camp Champions) can make a session seem boring and tiresome.  Happily, we have not had many TC4CC groups in a long while.  Even better, this group is particularly fun and positive.

The T-Bone Club is our way of acknowledging their leadership in our camp family and to thank them for it.

We invite them to a meal outside our home (now in the Outdoor Cooking Pavilion) during the Sunday picnic.  The campers arrive dressed nicely (especially the ladies who all wore dresses) and are served by the Leadership Team.  They get sparkling cider in plastic flutes and we toast them.

The meal consists of steaks with a special Dry Rub that Susie Ma'am and I developed, double stuffed potatoes, green bean casserole, bread sticks, mushroom sauce and strawberry cake.

Susie Ma'am and I dress up as well.  I chose a kilt with tuxedo top.  Perhaps my favorite part - no one seemed to think it even slightly odd.  For those of you wondering, Scottish wool socks are not a great idea in a Texas summer.

 

Warrrior vs Worrier

Tonight we had our second and final Vespers.  During this gathering, we sat at the sail point and talked about the final week of camp.

I wanted to suggest two things to the guys.  First, I wanted them to appreciate everything around them - not just the activities and the site, but the people who support and love each of them.

Second, I wanted to share some thoughts about the way we approach the world. Since tomorrow morning is the Lake Swim for the boys, I chose to share some thoughts about embracing challenges.

The swim entails swimming across the lake and back (roughly 700 meters).  We basically take over the lake, lining it with 26-30 kayaks with 3 boats providing additional help.  It is one of the longest standing camp traditions and a true challenge to our oldest campers (the oldest gals go Tuesday morning).

As we talked about the Lake Swim, I offered a view of human nature.

In the cartoons, people are often shown with an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other.  Each is dispensing opposite advice to the main character.  I think this cartoon has it wrong.

We do not have an angel and a devil, but we do have a Warrior and a Worrier.  The Warrior faces adversity, tries new things and accepts challenges.  The Worrier is rapt in fear and finds reasons to avoid new things or challenging situations.  The Warrior says "I want to learn to snow ski.  I want to try out for the play.  I want to meet those new people."  The Worrier answers back "Skiing is too cold.  Theater is stupid.  Why do I need new friends?"  Note that the Worrier is clever - rather than say "I am scared", it instead finds excuses not to try.

The Warrior looks at a challenge and sees opportunity.  The Worrier sees limitation and fear.

For parents and youth development professionals, we should look for ways to feed the Warrior and starve the Worrier.  Let me be clear, I still believe that we should focus on Reasonable Risks (one of our "4 Rs"), not dangerous ones.  In my examples, I am discussing challenges that are trying, difficult, out of our comfort zone, but safely attainable.

This week, each camper will have some Warrior/Worrier moments.  It is my hope that we create an environment sufficiently supportive and loving to encourage each camper to listen to the Warrior!

I ended by sharing 2 stories from 5 years ago.  In the first, a camper had decided that he did not want to swim.  As a result, he jumped in the lake, swam 3 or 4 strokes, came back and declared that it was too far.  He never even tried.

Later that summer, we had a 7th grader that was 6' 2" and not athletically gifted.  I will call him Richard.  Richard was a very poor swimmer.  He, nevertheless, wanted to try the Lake Swim.  In addition to the kayaks and lifeguards, we had a leadership team member swim with him.

During the swim, the next to last camper completed the swim in 35 minutes or so.  This camper, along with the rest of the Aquanauts, went to the cabin, changed, ate breakfast and returned to the dock to root Richard on.

Richard's time?  One hour and 25 minutes.  Without question, it was the slowest time I have ever seen by half an hour.

Yet I remember Richard and his determination.  I do not remember the winner of the race, but I can see Richard's face as he touched the dock: exhausted, worn and proud.

I concluded by telling all the boys that they have been strengthening their Warriors.  While their friends might have been staying home and playing video games, they were climbing walls, making new friends and succeeding away from home.

While their friends stayed the same, they have become stronger and more confident.

What a pleasure to spend time with your warriors!

Steve Sir

 

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Tags: Parents, Alumni, Camper, General, Counselor

The Tiger Story

Posted by Steve Baskin on Jun 17, 2011 5:30:36 PM

I have shared this story with parents and with counselors for years. This year, a former camper asked that I write it out for a leadership class he was working on.  When a parent also asked me about it, I decided to share it here,

The story originates in India.

There was once a malnourished pregnant tiger near death, determined to feed herself and her unborn cub. She came upon a herd of goats, picked a target, and attacked. The rush of the hunt brought about the birth of her cub as well as her death. The goats decided that even though this tiger had meant to eat them, they could not leave the cub to die and decided to raise it as one of their own.

Years later, a full grown male tiger was prowling throughout his territory looking for something to eat. He happened upon a herd of goats and decided to make his attack. As he crept up toward striking distance, he noticed something that confused him greatly: there was a another tiger milling around among the goats, eating grass.

The second tiger looked sickly and weak, so the first scattered the rest of the goats and confronted the second tiger, demanding to know what in the world he thought he was doing.

" Baaaaah," came the response.

"You're a tiger," the first said to the second. "What are you doing milling around with a bunch of goats?"

Once more, the second tiger replied, "Baaaaah."

Noting the younger tiger's condition, the larger tiger commented, "Friend, you look awful.  I have some antelope back in the cave.  Lets go there and get some meat on your bones."

"But I am a vegetarian.  I eat grass."

"No!  You are a carnivore.  A tiger.  You are top of the food chain!"  The first tiger then thought of a different approach.  " Come with me to the watering hole."

The watering hole was still as a mirror.  
"Look at my reflection: the whiskers, the ears, the stripes, the piercing eyes.  That is the face of a tiger.  Look at your face it is just like mine."

But having spent all his conscious life as a goat, he could not believe him.

The first tiger became fed up with the second, and dragged him back to his cave, determined to teach the confused one how to be a tiger. Once back, the first tiger let out a giant, spine trembling tiger roar, and asked the second to do the same. The second tiger took in a huge breath, and let out a tiny squeak that could not have outdone a common housecat.

In the cave, the first tiger had some leftover antelope, and took a big chunk off with his giant paw and jammed it into the second tiger's mouth. The second tiger tried to swallow but (and this is the way the original Sanskrit text reads) he choked at first, as do we all on the truth. But he kept chewing and working, and finally managed to swallow the antelope. At this point, his body understood.  This is the protein he has been missing.  He came to understand. He then stood up, squared his shoulders, and let out his first real tiger roar.

I share this story with our counselors each year for two reasons. After the story, I tell them the following:

First reason is the fact that in this life, we are all born tigers.  We are unique and powerful.  We have our own singular confluence of passions, talents, goals and instincts.  Yet, most of us end up living our lives like goat, milling aimlessly or following yet another goat through unfulfilled and unfocused lives.  Madison Avenue loves goats much easier to sell fashion, brands and cars to.  Tigers are entirely different.  They know their own power and their gifts and goals.

The second reason I share this is because it often takes another tiger to help you find your "tigerness".  This summer you will be surrounded by some of the cutest tiger cubs you have ever seen, but they might not know yet.  But you cannot just tell them.  Instead, you need to be a tiger everyday.  You must see opportunity when others see problems.  You need to embrace everyday as a gift to be treasured. If they see enough tigers, I believe they will know it is possible for them and they will soon find their own tigerness.

Steve Sir

 

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Our Upbeat Weekly Meeting

Posted by Steve Baskin on Jun 17, 2011 5:28:58 PM
I have become incredibly fond of our weekly Wednesday night counselor meeting.  It is late at night (usually around 10:30 - 11:30).  You would think that it would be hard to do anything after a long day, but these meetings help to keep us all focused and excited.

 

We have them on Wednesday because it is Dance Night and all of the counselors are on duty, so almost everyone can attend the meeting.

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Vespers on the Girls' Side

Posted by Susie Baskin on Jun 13, 2011 2:36:54 PM

Sunday nights are my favorite nights at camp.  The first Sunday of each term, I give a vespers talk.  (The second Sunday night belongs to the girls of 7-11 when they read their “love letters about camp” to the girls’ side.)

I try to choose topics accessible to all age groups.  Tonight I spoke about “being misjudged”.  My main point was this – if a person feels misjudged, then she must live her life to prove the accusation wrong.  Other people’s perceptions might be false, but they are important information nonetheless.  A wise girl asks herself why others misjudge her and decides if it’s worth changing her attitude or actions.

I shared a story from my freshman year of high school.  I was a fairly shy, not terribly confident freshman.  Like many tremulous teens, I sought the company of the most social and prominent students assuming their friendship would provide me validation.  My faulty choice in friends combined with my natural reticence had me labeled a snob.  The fact that I felt minimal connection with this crowd, perhaps, furthered my vulnerability.  When a friend accused me of being aloof, I was deeply hurt, defensive and somewhat bewildered. Heck, I didn’t feel I had anything to be snobbish about.

I shared my struggles with my parents.  I have a wonderfully pragmatic Yankee father.  The “Get over it.  Life is not a piece of cake” kind.  Rather than console me, both my parents encouraged introspection.  What perception had I created that people would think this of me?  Did it bother me enough to change it?  While I shared the details with the campers of how I successfully changed my image in high school, I’ll simply tell you that by the end of my freshman year I had a new group of friends (no surprise) and felt happy and accepted.  My snob reputation declined as I strived to be a friendlier and more engaging person.  To this day, I still have to cultivate my own extroversion.  I’m envious of people like Craw Ma’am and Garcia Ma’am whose extroversion is effortless.

Many times I reiterated this point to the girls: no one can keep you down but yourself.  I couldn’t depend on the interest of the general freshman class to get to know me well enough to see my shyness.  I was the one responsible for changing their view of me.  I was keeping myself down.  Whether or not I felt that I had been misjudged was irrelevant.  I was the only one who could fix the situation.

The vespers speech also included the topic of misjudging others.  My high school experience had taught me not to judge others quickly as I myself had been judged.

After I gave my speech, I asked for the girls to share their own stories.  At least fifty hands popped up immediately and more kept coming.  (I am not exaggerating)  The minis chose to relate this story to camp.  Many shared their fears of the Glob, the Climbing Wall, Waterskiing etc. They all resolved to overcome their physical fears.

The evening got a little more interesting when girls shared struggles with cabin dynamics.  They’d been impatient or intolerant with cabin-mates. One admitted she could be bossy, another’s disorganization was impeding cabin clean up.  Another said that her cabin has misjudged her as mean and rather than stay angry at them, she publically pledged to prove them wrong through her kindness.

I was even more thrilled when some girls admitted their tendency to judge others too quickly, to be superficial and to let others’ opinions influence their own.

Many girls pledged to make the rest of their lives as good as camp.  Camp creates such a feeling of support, love and possibilities, campers feel confident and open.  But when they get back home, that confidence diminishes.  I constantly challenge campers to note the qualities they love about themselves while they are here at camp and then bring those qualities back “to the outside world”.

Finally, the really good stuff.  I occasionally tear up when I listen to my wonderful girls show their maturity and insight.  (I’m such a softy and they all tease me for it, which I love.)  So tonight I choked up when one first year camper admitted that she’d been unfair to her stepfather as she blamed him for not being her dad.  She had misjudged him and resolved to be more accepting and to make it her responsibility to improve their relationship. Another said that her family was moving to a new town and that she and her brothers had made life intentionally difficult for her parents and that they deserved better.

When I hear these confessions, I am so proud of my campers I can’t stand it.  It’s hard enough to admit our shortfalls to ourselves.  But to admit them to the entire girls’ side and then hear the murmurs of support and “snaps” from their peers is tremendously powerful and affirming.  I can’t wait to follow up in the days to come and hear about the successes these girls are going to have at camp and in their lives.

I love your daughters!

 

Susie Ma’am

 

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High Schoolers Find Their Hearts

Posted by Steve Baskin on Jun 13, 2011 1:54:46 PM

 

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Man Cave and Friendship Games

Posted by Steve Baskin on Jun 13, 2011 1:50:51 PM

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Where Are the Corn Dogs?!?

Posted by Steve Baskin on Jun 10, 2011 6:19:08 PM

At our first day of Man Cave, I heard a wonderful tale.  Before I go further, let me say that Man Cave (and its close cousin Friendship Games) are our daily efforts to spend time getting to know every cabin.  I will describe more about the history of Man Cave/Friendship Games in soon-to-be-written blog.

On to the story.

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Tags: Parents, Alumni, Camper, General, Counselor

Batman, Mac 'n' Cheese and Advice

Posted by Steve Baskin on Jun 9, 2011 3:45:55 PM

Finding the Inner Batman

We have a camper who is here in for his third summer.  Frankly, he was very late to sign up this year (luckily, he is male and so we had a some openings on the boys' side) and we wondered why he did not sign up earlier with his sibling.

Of course, it is difficult to fathom the mind of elementary school boys.  In fact, whatever reason a child gives for why he or she is reluctant to come back to camp is (in my extensive experience) not the real reason.  A camper that says that the activities were boring often turns out to be risk averse and shy about attempting new activities dislike a particular cabinmate.  Another camper that says he had a mean counselor might have wet his bed the previous summer and attempted to deflect his embarrassment (incredibly common, by the way).  We've seen that awkward age with our own children.  They've lost the openness of early childhood and become self-conscious.  They're acutely aware of their own perceived inadequacies and hide this from the people with whom they previously shared everything.

In the case of this camper, I think his reluctance stemmed from a fear of deep water.  We had known he had this fear in the previous summers.  We would either allow him to stay in the shallow areas or wear a life jacket.  I suspect that as he got older, the fear remained, but his desire to wear a life jacket diminished, thus creating a potentially embarrassing situation.

Nevertheless, he did decide to return and that is where our story takes us.

Two days ago, he was at Instructional Swim (as the sign at the swim bay reminds us - "you can't find a better sport to save your life") and he swam with a kickboard to the deep end of the pool escorted by two counselors.

At the end of the pool, they talked about him swimming back without the kickboard, but still with the escort.

This was a long discussion.  The best estimate is that the three people (the boy, and the counselors) hung on the end of the pool for about 15 minutes.  They saw that he wanted to try.  They also saw his fear.

Inspiration strikes at the oddest times.  It paid a visit to the counselors then.

They asked the boy about his favorite heroes.

"I love Batman."

"Do you know the story of Batman's origin?"

"I think so, but please tell me."

"Before he was Batman, Bruce Wayne had a crippling fear of bats.  Once he decided to fight crime, he knew that he had to conquer his fear before he could conquer the bad guys.  He chose to become a bat - to face his fears.  When he did this, he became strong and brave."

After a moment of thought, he released himself from the end of the pool and swam back.

He then swam two more full laps.

He might not have been fighting crime, but he is a hero in my book!

 

Learning More Than Bargained For

This morning, the oldest boys' cabin was at the Outdoor Cooking Pavilion.  In class, they learned how to make macaroni and cheese.  They learned how to boil and strain pasta.  They tried different types of cheeses.  They also experimented with various toppings like potato chips, shallots and croutons.

They are older, more decisive and faster eaters.  As a result, they finished 15 minutes early.  The instructors (all college-aged woman) asked the 14 year-old boys what they would like to learn about before class ends.  She suggested food safety, diet tips, cooking techniques.

They simply said "girls".

Let me start by saying that this story could go several ways at this point.   I am delighted that it took the best possible direction.  The women running the class are mature and caring.  They are also really patient.  The questions and comments came fast and furious:

"How the heck do I break out of the 'friend zone'?"

"They only like my sweet dance moves.  If its not the Wednesday dance, they're not interested."

"When do you call?  When do you text? When do you do neither?"

"How do I avoid getting stuck in stupid text conversations like 'what r u up 2?', 'nada', 'how bout u?', 'nada'?"

"How can I tell a girl its OK to hang up if we have nothing to talk about?"

"If I like a girl, why do her friends all suddenly think everything about me is fair game?  I'm not dating them!"

"Why are girls so confusing?"

I will not bore you with all the answers, but I will tell you that the advice was solid.  Here are the main points that the guys remembered later.

"False compliments do not help.  Avoid at all costs."

"You will not ever understand teenage girls.  Teenage girls do not understand teenage girls."

"Be kind and genuine. Eventually that is what the girls will value when they become women."

All that and a serving of Mac and Cheese sounds like a great hour to me!

Steve Sir

 

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Tags: Parents, Alumni, Camper, General, Counselor