We often talk about "Reasonable Risks". Today, I am taking one myself.We often talk about "Reasonable Risks". Today, I am taking one myself.
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OK, this blog starts by giving you a word of encouragement as parents.
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After writing deep thoughts for several days in a row, I want to just have a fun, campy submission for your approval.
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Each term, we honor our oldest campers with the T-Bone Club. These young men and women have finished the 8th grade are in their final summer as normal campers. If they return next year, they enter the Senior Camper program.
As I have shared with you, Camp is really about community. The oldest campers are an important part of our community at Champions. An enthusiastic group elevates the spirit of the cabins below them. A group that is TC4CC (Too Cool For Camp Champions) can make a session seem boring and tiresome. Happily, we have not had many TC4CC groups in a long while. Even better, this group is particularly fun and positive.
The T-Bone Club is our way of acknowledging their leadership in our camp family and to thank them for it.
We invite them to a meal outside our home (now in the Outdoor Cooking Pavilion) during the Sunday picnic. The campers arrive dressed nicely (especially the ladies who all wore dresses) and are served by the Leadership Team. They get sparkling cider in plastic flutes and we toast them.
The meal consists of steaks with a special Dry Rub that Susie Ma'am and I developed, double stuffed potatoes, green bean casserole, bread sticks, mushroom sauce and strawberry cake.
Susie Ma'am and I dress up as well. I chose a kilt with tuxedo top. Perhaps my favorite part - no one seemed to think it even slightly odd. For those of you wondering, Scottish wool socks are not a great idea in a Texas summer.
Warrrior vs Worrier
Tonight we had our second and final Vespers. During this gathering, we sat at the sail point and talked about the final week of camp.
I wanted to suggest two things to the guys. First, I wanted them to appreciate everything around them - not just the activities and the site, but the people who support and love each of them.
Second, I wanted to share some thoughts about the way we approach the world. Since tomorrow morning is the Lake Swim for the boys, I chose to share some thoughts about embracing challenges.
The swim entails swimming across the lake and back (roughly 700 meters). We basically take over the lake, lining it with 26-30 kayaks with 3 boats providing additional help. It is one of the longest standing camp traditions and a true challenge to our oldest campers (the oldest gals go Tuesday morning).
As we talked about the Lake Swim, I offered a view of human nature.
In the cartoons, people are often shown with an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other. Each is dispensing opposite advice to the main character. I think this cartoon has it wrong.
We do not have an angel and a devil, but we do have a Warrior and a Worrier. The Warrior faces adversity, tries new things and accepts challenges. The Worrier is rapt in fear and finds reasons to avoid new things or challenging situations. The Warrior says "I want to learn to snow ski. I want to try out for the play. I want to meet those new people." The Worrier answers back "Skiing is too cold. Theater is stupid. Why do I need new friends?" Note that the Worrier is clever - rather than say "I am scared", it instead finds excuses not to try.
The Warrior looks at a challenge and sees opportunity. The Worrier sees limitation and fear.
For parents and youth development professionals, we should look for ways to feed the Warrior and starve the Worrier. Let me be clear, I still believe that we should focus on Reasonable Risks (one of our "4 Rs"), not dangerous ones. In my examples, I am discussing challenges that are trying, difficult, out of our comfort zone, but safely attainable.
This week, each camper will have some Warrior/Worrier moments. It is my hope that we create an environment sufficiently supportive and loving to encourage each camper to listen to the Warrior!
I ended by sharing 2 stories from 5 years ago. In the first, a camper had decided that he did not want to swim. As a result, he jumped in the lake, swam 3 or 4 strokes, came back and declared that it was too far. He never even tried.
Later that summer, we had a 7th grader that was 6' 2" and not athletically gifted. I will call him Richard. Richard was a very poor swimmer. He, nevertheless, wanted to try the Lake Swim. In addition to the kayaks and lifeguards, we had a leadership team member swim with him.
During the swim, the next to last camper completed the swim in 35 minutes or so. This camper, along with the rest of the Aquanauts, went to the cabin, changed, ate breakfast and returned to the dock to root Richard on.
Richard's time? One hour and 25 minutes. Without question, it was the slowest time I have ever seen by half an hour.
Yet I remember Richard and his determination. I do not remember the winner of the race, but I can see Richard's face as he touched the dock: exhausted, worn and proud.
I concluded by telling all the boys that they have been strengthening their Warriors. While their friends might have been staying home and playing video games, they were climbing walls, making new friends and succeeding away from home.
While their friends stayed the same, they have become stronger and more confident.
What a pleasure to spend time with your warriors!
Steve Sir
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I have shared this story with parents and with counselors for years. This year, a former camper asked that I write it out for a leadership class he was working on. When a parent also asked me about it, I decided to share it here,
The story originates in India.
There was once a malnourished pregnant tiger near death, determined to feed herself and her unborn cub. She came upon a herd of goats, picked a target, and attacked. The rush of the hunt brought about the birth of her cub as well as her death. The goats decided that even though this tiger had meant to eat them, they could not leave the cub to die and decided to raise it as one of their own.
Years later, a full grown male tiger was prowling throughout his territory looking for something to eat. He happened upon a herd of goats and decided to make his attack. As he crept up toward striking distance, he noticed something that confused him greatly: there was a another tiger milling around among the goats, eating grass.
The second tiger looked sickly and weak, so the first scattered the rest of the goats and confronted the second tiger, demanding to know what in the world he thought he was doing.
" Baaaaah," came the response.
"You're a tiger," the first said to the second. "What are you doing milling around with a bunch of goats?"
Once more, the second tiger replied, "Baaaaah."
Noting the younger tiger's condition, the larger tiger commented, "Friend, you look awful. I have some antelope back in the cave. Lets go there and get some meat on your bones."
"But I am a vegetarian. I eat grass."
"No! You are a carnivore. A tiger. You are top of the food chain!" The first tiger then thought of a different approach. " Come with me to the watering hole."
The watering hole was still as a mirror.
"Look at my reflection: the whiskers, the ears, the stripes, the piercing eyes. That is the face of a tiger. Look at your face it is just like mine."
But having spent all his conscious life as a goat, he could not believe him.
The first tiger became fed up with the second, and dragged him back to his cave, determined to teach the confused one how to be a tiger. Once back, the first tiger let out a giant, spine trembling tiger roar, and asked the second to do the same. The second tiger took in a huge breath, and let out a tiny squeak that could not have outdone a common housecat.
In the cave, the first tiger had some leftover antelope, and took a big chunk off with his giant paw and jammed it into the second tiger's mouth. The second tiger tried to swallow but (and this is the way the original Sanskrit text reads) he choked at first, as do we all on the truth. But he kept chewing and working, and finally managed to swallow the antelope. At this point, his body understood. This is the protein he has been missing. He came to understand. He then stood up, squared his shoulders, and let out his first real tiger roar.
I share this story with our counselors each year for two reasons. After the story, I tell them the following:
First reason is the fact that in this life, we are all born tigers. We are unique and powerful. We have our own singular confluence of passions, talents, goals and instincts. Yet, most of us end up living our lives like goat, milling aimlessly or following yet another goat through unfulfilled and unfocused lives. Madison Avenue loves goats much easier to sell fashion, brands and cars to. Tigers are entirely different. They know their own power and their gifts and goals.
The second reason I share this is because it often takes another tiger to help you find your "tigerness". This summer you will be surrounded by some of the cutest tiger cubs you have ever seen, but they might not know yet. But you cannot just tell them. Instead, you need to be a tiger everyday. You must see opportunity when others see problems. You need to embrace everyday as a gift to be treasured. If they see enough tigers, I believe they will know it is possible for them and they will soon find their own tigerness.
Steve Sir
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I have become incredibly fond of our weekly Wednesday night counselor meeting. It is late at night (usually around 10:30 - 11:30). You would think that it would be hard to do anything after a long day, but these meetings help to keep us all focused and excited.
We have them on Wednesday because it is Dance Night and all of the counselors are on duty, so almost everyone can attend the meeting.
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Today was another delightful day at Camp.
We had two former counselors (from 2003-2006) visit today. They are now both teachers and have not been back for years. They told me that they made a special playlist to listen to on the 5 hour drive, but never listened to a single note, “We just could not stop talking about Camp memories!!” One said that camp enabled her to have the courage to switch schools and make new friends. The other said that teacher has been so much easier because she was a counselor.
Neither were ever campers, but found camp as college-aged counselors.
Both radiated happiness as they walked and remembered.
We get visitors all the time. One recent visitor explained, “I can leave Camp, but Camp never leaves me!” They also usually say that they cannot explain to their friends, colleagues or significant others why they love it so.
“I am going to Camp.”
“That’s nice. Be safe.”
“No, you do not understand. I am going to CAMP!”
“Allll riiight. Have fun!”
The visits are also great for the new counselors and campers. They see the passion and joy in the visitors’ eyes. It lets them know that this is a place that many people love – a place that people return to. In short, it lets everyone know that we are a true community.
Wild Water Creature Wednesday
As I was strolling today (this time with a hat the is a full tiger head), I once again came upon the Outdoors Skills class. They had the youngest girls (mostly 6 and 7) arriving.
It is time for some full disclosure. 6 and 7 year-olds do not really learn a lot of Outdoor Skills. Instead, the counselors see this time as an opportunity to stretch their imagination. As they arrived, the instructors declared (in the spirit of alliteration) that today is Throwback Thursday. As a result, they must travel back in time to yesterday (to Wild Water Creature Wednesday).
The counselor told them to put their “flux capacitors” (they looked like towels to me) over their heads, say “flux capacitor” 3 times and turn in circles. When they had done so, she explained that they were now back to Wednesday. First rule – they must not go where they went yesterday (or is it today?) because their present self must not meet their past self. They then declared that Wild Water Creature Wednesday would happen in the pool.
In the pool, another instructor led them in efforts to act out different creatures, including, dolphins, sharks, sea urchins, and otters. By the way, one of your daughters does a scary-good dolphin imitation. At the end, he also had them create the one thing that even sharks fear: a whirlpool. They huddled together into a circle and swam clockwise. The counselor, who weighs roughly 240 pounds, acted as if he were being knocked about by the midi-induced vortex.
In the Man Cave, we had a delightful chat with the youngest boys. I was delighted by what good listeners and sharers they were. You often do not know what you will get with 6 and 7 year-old boys, but they were funny and engaging. Must be good parents.
Tonight, the boys’ side of camp redeemed itself. Last week, the girls caught more fish than the boys (30-18). Much angst on the boys’ side. Today, they scored a clear victory 56-0!!! Of course, it helps that the girls were not actually fishing tonight!
Rather than fishing, the girls had Miss Champini tonight, which is a big deal. Every girl’s cabin dresses up its counselors as different people, places or themes from camp. The entire event was precious (or so reports Susie Ma’am). While I was not there, I got a report on the winners.
1. Most congeniality - Riggabamboo dressed their counselors as the two new pot-bellied pigs (Napoleon and Notorious P.I.G.).
2. Best costume – Cabin 6 whose counselor came dressed as the Arts and Crafts table. Looking like a Jackson Pollock painting, they think she would have perfectly blended with the actual Arts and Crafts table.
3. Best talent – Cabin 2 with the main character from the beloved camp song “Matalina, Catalina, Hoopsawhatalata, Hooka, Wooka, Pooka was her name”. Her talent was adding new ridiculous lyrics to an already ridiculous song.
4. Miss Champini was (drum roll please), Cabin 8 with the Rainbow Chair Queen. The entire cabin dressed as each of the Rainbow Chairs and she was the queen with songs and a great skit that included all the kids.
The boys had Open Mike night. We used to call it Talent Night. It might be best that “talent” is no longer in the title. I, however, was proud of the 4 campers who sang, the 4 the played instruments and the 3 that told jokes!
Until tomorrow, I hope you had a great day too!
Steve Sir
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Sunday nights are my favorite nights at camp. The first Sunday of each term, I give a vespers talk. (The second Sunday night belongs to the girls of 7-11 when they read their “love letters about camp” to the girls’ side.)
I try to choose topics accessible to all age groups. Tonight I spoke about “being misjudged”. My main point was this – if a person feels misjudged, then she must live her life to prove the accusation wrong. Other people’s perceptions might be false, but they are important information nonetheless. A wise girl asks herself why others misjudge her and decides if it’s worth changing her attitude or actions.
I shared a story from my freshman year of high school. I was a fairly shy, not terribly confident freshman. Like many tremulous teens, I sought the company of the most social and prominent students assuming their friendship would provide me validation. My faulty choice in friends combined with my natural reticence had me labeled a snob. The fact that I felt minimal connection with this crowd, perhaps, furthered my vulnerability. When a friend accused me of being aloof, I was deeply hurt, defensive and somewhat bewildered. Heck, I didn’t feel I had anything to be snobbish about.
I shared my struggles with my parents. I have a wonderfully pragmatic Yankee father. The “Get over it. Life is not a piece of cake” kind. Rather than console me, both my parents encouraged introspection. What perception had I created that people would think this of me? Did it bother me enough to change it? While I shared the details with the campers of how I successfully changed my image in high school, I’ll simply tell you that by the end of my freshman year I had a new group of friends (no surprise) and felt happy and accepted. My snob reputation declined as I strived to be a friendlier and more engaging person. To this day, I still have to cultivate my own extroversion. I’m envious of people like Craw Ma’am and Garcia Ma’am whose extroversion is effortless.
Many times I reiterated this point to the girls: no one can keep you down but yourself. I couldn’t depend on the interest of the general freshman class to get to know me well enough to see my shyness. I was the one responsible for changing their view of me. I was keeping myself down. Whether or not I felt that I had been misjudged was irrelevant. I was the only one who could fix the situation.
The vespers speech also included the topic of misjudging others. My high school experience had taught me not to judge others quickly as I myself had been judged.
After I gave my speech, I asked for the girls to share their own stories. At least fifty hands popped up immediately and more kept coming. (I am not exaggerating) The minis chose to relate this story to camp. Many shared their fears of the Glob, the Climbing Wall, Waterskiing etc. They all resolved to overcome their physical fears.
The evening got a little more interesting when girls shared struggles with cabin dynamics. They’d been impatient or intolerant with cabin-mates. One admitted she could be bossy, another’s disorganization was impeding cabin clean up. Another said that her cabin has misjudged her as mean and rather than stay angry at them, she publically pledged to prove them wrong through her kindness.
I was even more thrilled when some girls admitted their tendency to judge others too quickly, to be superficial and to let others’ opinions influence their own.
Many girls pledged to make the rest of their lives as good as camp. Camp creates such a feeling of support, love and possibilities, campers feel confident and open. But when they get back home, that confidence diminishes. I constantly challenge campers to note the qualities they love about themselves while they are here at camp and then bring those qualities back “to the outside world”.
Finally, the really good stuff. I occasionally tear up when I listen to my wonderful girls show their maturity and insight. (I’m such a softy and they all tease me for it, which I love.) So tonight I choked up when one first year camper admitted that she’d been unfair to her stepfather as she blamed him for not being her dad. She had misjudged him and resolved to be more accepting and to make it her responsibility to improve their relationship. Another said that her family was moving to a new town and that she and her brothers had made life intentionally difficult for her parents and that they deserved better.
When I hear these confessions, I am so proud of my campers I can’t stand it. It’s hard enough to admit our shortfalls to ourselves. But to admit them to the entire girls’ side and then hear the murmurs of support and “snaps” from their peers is tremendously powerful and affirming. I can’t wait to follow up in the days to come and hear about the successes these girls are going to have at camp and in their lives.
I love your daughters!
Susie Ma’am
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